I have a couple of friendships lately that I am really questioning. Because these two people, although they are dear to me....I constantly feel like I cannot talk about anything positive going on in my life to either of them. I have to tone everything down constantly, and make it sound as though I am suffering - so that they dont feel threatened.
Not much of a friendship, is it?
One of my mentors recently told me to try this test:
Tell your friends and mentors "hey, I'm working with Spielberg - he has my reel!" and watch their reaction. You want to keep the friendships of those who are 100% excited for you - and the ones who seem skeptical or unenthused, those are the ones you want to drop like a hot potato.
While I'm not gonna go so far as to do this test.....(because I already know what kind of reaction I would get from these "friends") I really am questioning these friendships lately. I am torn bc I know that part of a friendship is to love the person for who they are - and to stick by them when they arent doing so great. But there is also something to being around negative, fearful energy too. Something that I feel I must protect myself from. I have to protect my mind and heart from that and march on with those who are positive and those I respect because those are the influences I want in my life.
One must be very selective about the company one keeps.....so, for now, I'll keep the mentioned friendships, but at a distance.....
Speaking as an authority on absolutely nothing about you - and not knowing a single thing about this blog which I stumbled upon - I offer this extremely wonderful advice:
ReplyDeleteIf you want to have people in your life who make you feel small, then question yourself. Why are you with them? Do you like them? Why? And then ask this: do you want to be around "compartmentalized" friends. Friends with whom you have marked certain subjects off-limits. It's like politics - how far off your track must a person be before you simply will not call them a friend? Like if the person's a slave owner. Could you still hangout with that person?
But the subject is you. Politics is not the same as a person raining on your whole life. There's a Richard Shickle performance as PDQ Bach where he introduces a piece he wrote by saying that when he premiered a new sonata his friends derided it. "Well, I have a whole new group of friends now" he says as he goes into the music. Makes sense to me. When they will not accept and encourage (which literally means to give "heart" to) who you are, you don't need that. Life is tough enough.
Peace
Rev. Camarena
http://home.earthlink.net/~emcphd/
Ahhhh.....THANK YOU! I question this a lot....I find that when there is history with a person, I have a hard time letting go - like I am cheating on them or something.
ReplyDeleteIts one friendship in particular - we have so much history - she's like a sister. Her being like a sister makes it tough. A sister, with a dark cloud over her head constantly.
Like I said, I just have to keep my distance for now - not sure what else to do other than that.
Thanks for your kind words - I'll have to chew on this....