Producing

I've had a love/hate relationship with producing....always. I feel I want to act. Seen as an actress, not a producer.....

But then.....

Charlize Theron produced Monster's Ball

Gwyneth Paltrow produced her new one.....the one where she plays a country singer

Halle Berry produced her new one coming out....Frankie and Alice

Ok. Maybe producing is just the wave of the future for actors? In that case, I'm glad I'm on board.

I just dont want to produce things I'm not in any more.....

:)

Quiet

Things are a little slow right now. Well. Ok. As far as actually A-C-T-I-N-G in something awesome.

We're just back from a whirlwind tour. Mostly traveling to festivals for one of our film's: California, Brazil, New Orleans. Then back to CA for a meeting with a potential manager. And Europe for some R and R and I think I may have found an agent for when I'm out there, and possibly and English speaking theater to do my solo show at. Fingers crossed on all fronts.

I even had a producer interested in taking my solo show on tour in Asia. But alas, for now that has fallen through.

Damn. I was already planning to get my picture taken while doing a handstand on the Great Wall of China!

So I realize right now, this is my time to go inward. I'm planning for next year a little bit. Fixing up my apartment. Contemplating looking for paid, mindless side work. I'm meditating. Going to the weekly Dharma talks at the Shambahla Center. It feels pretty good.

I just have to remind myself that I am on the path. It's quiet now for me acting wise. I dont dare compare myself to another actor. That's their path. This is mine. I'm looking forward to working in CA and in Europe more. To directing my own short sooner rather than later. And doing my solo show in San Fran. Yep, that's where I've decided my next move will be for the show: San Fran.

I cant say that I always love the quiet. I'm like any other actor. The quiet makes us nervous. We feel our career may be over! YIKES!!!

But listen, this is part of being on the warrior's path. I dont take every project that comes my way. I turn a whole lot of stuff down. Its gotta really hit a chord with me. And if it doesnt, I'm doing myself and the project a disservice by taking it anyway.....and I respect myself and the other person's work way too much for that.

So for right now, I'm making friends with quietness.

Watch Your Own Belief System

I was out with a friend last night....she is also an actress....and she was talking about how agents and managers are really into working with actors right out of school, into honing young talent from the bigger, prestigious schools (Yale, Julliard, ACT, etc).....

And I couldnt help but think, "wow. is that your belief system?? is that what you believe??"

If you get caught up in that thinking: "I could never be a CEO bc I didnt go to Yale or Harvard" "I will have a hard time getting a good agent bc I didnt go to a prestigious acting school" "I'm too old" "I'm not skinny enough" --- well, we should all give up right now shouldnt we?

The truth is: YOU CAN DO ANYTHING YOU WANT. Fuck all that other noise. Its just bullshit. Sure, there are bumps on the road, mishaps, disappointments, joys and then often things dont turn out the way we thought they would. They can turn out EVEN better. Everyone has moments of feeling like "not enough." But man, you gotta learn to cut that shit out of your head that stops you in your tracks. It will only bring you down.

I was kind of shocked (and sad) that my friend believes these things.

We all create our own path. You just gotta keep doing your thing. Its not about comparing yourself to others, getting caught up in statistics - in so called "logics" - all that intellectual brain stuff. Its about doing the things that truly make you feel alive.

So go with your heart instead. Not your head. Or someone else's for that matter. Believe in how friggin great you really are. Believe in your goals, your dreams.....I promise you'll fare much better.....