Life is Precious

A friend of a friend found out her husband has an incurable cancer. And they were married 2 years ago - same as me and my husband.

Life is really precious, you know??

I will think twice before I ever complain about my husband ----

Sending this couple good energy --

Do something nice for your loved one today, ok??

Keeping Positivity in Your Life & Focusing

Lately I feel like I really need to safeguard myself from Debbie downers. And obsessive actor-types....(again)

I noticed I'm transitioning. I love being around my friends who have children. Or are preggo. They seem to have priorities other than career and to really appreciate life and live in the moment. They have wisdom and stillness. And I crave that right now.

I love my career. I love what I do and I feel truly blessed that I am able to do it. And that I have a partner I can share all this with. But my career is not my everything. Its a fraction of who I am. Its interesting - the more that things go well career-wise, the more I want to focus on my personal life. I feel good about where things are at right now. Like I can sit back (well, sorta.....) and breath and enjoy my accomplishments.

Every day is a challenge when you are living a life in the arts. Juggling everything is extremely challenging, money is a pain in the arse sometimes. Dont think that just because things are going well right now that I dont have these issues sometimes. Do your best to keep it real, keep it light!

All I can say is hang in there. And the biggest lesson I've learned recently, and its hard for me too....is to focus. Its easy to get really distracted. So choose one thing you want to do and do it well. This year for me it was my solo show....and that went well - I was fortunate -- I know.

Oh, and have fun. That would be numero uno on the list -- :)

Film Fest in CA, Michael Jackson & Time for a Change

I'm back from a trip to the west coast - visiting family and going to a film festival. I also got to spend some time with a high school friend I hadnt seen in almost 15 years. That was really nice. We laid around Malibu beach together, had seafood at a shack on Malibu beach. It was AWESOME!

And I visited Michael Jackson's grave. Which truthfully, was pretty anti-climactic. Its in a huge mausoleum and they wont let you go inside. But there was an area with a bunch of flowers and stuff dedicated to him - from people all over the world. It was pretty amazing to see the international showing of everyone who came and left things for him. Lots of homemade stuff too that people had put their hearts into. Really sweet.

While I was out there I found out I was nominated for Best Actress and Best Solo Show in the festival I was just in. YAY!

Now I'm back in NYC and I feel depressed. It was really nice being in those sunny skies on the west coast. Not one day of bad weather the whole time I was there. I want to spend more time out there. I NEVER thought I'd say this. But I do. NYC kind of depresses me lately. I feel pressure when I am here. And, I'm bored. I feel like a need a change.

I am hoping to take my solo show out to the west coast by next spring - and that would be a good chance for me to go out and lay some roots. I'm going bi-coastal, baby!

Reasons to Do a Solo Show

- To challenge yourself in every way imaginable

- To scare yourself in every way imaginable and to learn to face your fears and come out stronger in the end (and you all know by now I am a big fan of observing and facing my fears)

- To put yourself in a place of EMPOWERMENT!!

- To put yourself in a position of being a DOUBLE threat: writer and actor (and a triple threat if you do end up producing it too!)

- To see what you are capable of

- To meet other people - I've made a lot of new friends and professional contacts from doing this.

- To get reviewed

- To become a stronger actor

- To keep working. You CANNOT sit around waiting for your phone to ring --

- And trust me, you'll NEVER have a moment of boredom!

Clarity -

Damn. I was just reading my last blog entry. Which was all over the place. I am on vacation right now - visiting family - so at the moment I have some clarity. Ha. Thank god. I needed this.

I DON'T WANT to start a theater company! Who I am kidding? All that responsibility??? Shoot me NOW!

I am in love with the romantic idea of starting one. I love what The Group did back in the 30's. I love the idea of going off to camp, into the woods and working on theater. But that's it!!

And I really love theater. I want to do more.

Thank god. Now I know where I stand with that. Its NOT a creative U-turn for me. The solo show was.

I would love to join a theater group. One that is newish - so I have a chance to get in and work and be a part of its growth. The ones that are more "established?" They are DONE. You won't get in with them. You just won't. They have their core people, and unless you are a celeb who can bring folks in - forget it. And how exciting would it be anyway to be a part of something from its early stages?? How cool would that be?

Ok. Putting my antennae on for that one --

Balance, Creative U-turns and The Group Theater

I'm still really struggling with the 2 sides of me: the one side that needs to rest, chillax, reflect.....and the other that wants to DO DO DO DO DO.

Where is the balance?

I'll tell you where it is for me: by going to yoga. by sitting by the water. writing. being with my husband and family (thank god we are going to see them soon). I am feeling really out of sorts recently......that thing in me is really gnawing at me today. I need to move onto the next project. Although I dont feel I've fully recovered from this one. I do feel rested. Physically. But my mind is everywhere. I have intense urges to write and I just havent made the time. But yeah, I really want to get back to that.

That thing keeps coming up to - I mentioned a WHILE ago. It comes up a couple of times a year. About doing my own thing. My own theater company. I've always wanted that, but I really fear the responsibility. And I know I dont want to do it right now. Or at least not full on. But in SOME way. I went to a fundraiser tonight for a friend who has started her own thing - and while I'm sure she has her own "fear" demons to deal with - she looked great and I was really impressed with what she has set out to accomplish. What impressed me the most is that she seems to simply have ideas of what she wants to do - and a first project in line - but other than that - no set plan. And I LOVE that. I've always felt if I did this I'd have to have tons of money and a whole first season planned out.....

I just realized: this is my "creative U-turn." I was reading The Artist's Way yesterday. And she talks about this. When we start something and get scared and "U-turn." God I'm so aware of my U-turns. Times I got scared and ran like hell. The solo show was one of them. I ran from that several years ago. And then I came back in the last year and confronted that fear.

BAM!! I am patting myself on the back. I realize I havent really rewarded myself for doing this. I will. Soon.

And remember. U-turns and fears are good. They tell us where we need to go.

So, maybe I could come up with a company name, and put together a reading? And that's it! I'd love to do what my friend is doing or be part of that - inspired by The Group.....bringing a group of artists together and going into the woods to create and inspire and work on material.....and then bringing this back to NYC -- but MY OWN version of this. I'm certainly not out to copy someone else. But to be inspired.

FYI: The Group - (read The Fervent Years - a theater must read. I admit, they throw a lot of names out there that you might not have heard of - but its good to know. It was an important moment in our theater's history. Get familiar with this stuff! Its important if you are an actor to know the legacy that you are carrying on....)

Its a Wrap -

So, my solo show closed yesterday. I am so many things right now: relieved, excited, happy, content.....and feeling like there is a lot of work to be done as far as following up with people, thanking people, using my good reviews to garner more work and visibility for myself and looking into other places to do my show......although that thought, right now, is seriously exhausting.

But that's the thing isnt it? We are always hungry for more......The show wasnt even over and I was already thinking, ok what's next and having a little anxiety. So I know my personal work for the next few days is to be ok with being right where I am. To relish this moment - the personal and professional success of the show (which I'll get into later) and to REST. More than anything: I really need to rest.

I am so friggin TIRED I could die. I am exhausted in every way imaginable. My body aches, my mind is buzzing and my thoughts are all over the place. Doing this show was like a freaking exorcism. I really challenged myself and pushed myself as far as I could go. And I learned a TON (more on that later too).

Right now, I just need to take a nap. And this week I need to be out in the sun. And to go to a yoga class and begin to "rehabilitate" my body and my mind.....

I am going to see family soon and I am REALLY looking forward to getting away - and frankly my body and mind both need this. I need to shut down and be with loved ones....

But right now - its nap time! As much as I want to work - that workaholic in me wants to run around like a crazy woman - I know my artist needs rest - I need to "fill the well" as the author of The Artist's Way puts it --

(if you havent done The Artist's Way - its a must!)

So here I go. See ya, workaholic part of me. I need my rest!