Balance, Creative U-turns and The Group Theater

I'm still really struggling with the 2 sides of me: the one side that needs to rest, chillax, reflect.....and the other that wants to DO DO DO DO DO.

Where is the balance?

I'll tell you where it is for me: by going to yoga. by sitting by the water. writing. being with my husband and family (thank god we are going to see them soon). I am feeling really out of sorts recently......that thing in me is really gnawing at me today. I need to move onto the next project. Although I dont feel I've fully recovered from this one. I do feel rested. Physically. But my mind is everywhere. I have intense urges to write and I just havent made the time. But yeah, I really want to get back to that.

That thing keeps coming up to - I mentioned a WHILE ago. It comes up a couple of times a year. About doing my own thing. My own theater company. I've always wanted that, but I really fear the responsibility. And I know I dont want to do it right now. Or at least not full on. But in SOME way. I went to a fundraiser tonight for a friend who has started her own thing - and while I'm sure she has her own "fear" demons to deal with - she looked great and I was really impressed with what she has set out to accomplish. What impressed me the most is that she seems to simply have ideas of what she wants to do - and a first project in line - but other than that - no set plan. And I LOVE that. I've always felt if I did this I'd have to have tons of money and a whole first season planned out.....

I just realized: this is my "creative U-turn." I was reading The Artist's Way yesterday. And she talks about this. When we start something and get scared and "U-turn." God I'm so aware of my U-turns. Times I got scared and ran like hell. The solo show was one of them. I ran from that several years ago. And then I came back in the last year and confronted that fear.

BAM!! I am patting myself on the back. I realize I havent really rewarded myself for doing this. I will. Soon.

And remember. U-turns and fears are good. They tell us where we need to go.

So, maybe I could come up with a company name, and put together a reading? And that's it! I'd love to do what my friend is doing or be part of that - inspired by The Group.....bringing a group of artists together and going into the woods to create and inspire and work on material.....and then bringing this back to NYC -- but MY OWN version of this. I'm certainly not out to copy someone else. But to be inspired.

FYI: The Group - (read The Fervent Years - a theater must read. I admit, they throw a lot of names out there that you might not have heard of - but its good to know. It was an important moment in our theater's history. Get familiar with this stuff! Its important if you are an actor to know the legacy that you are carrying on....)