I think I've mentioned that I've taken up meditation?
I've really committed myself to this practice - and its really helped so much. I actually enjoy meditating. My teacher reminds me to meditate on things like other people's happiness, or those who have less. I can't tell you enough what joy and compassion its brought into my life. A real breath of fresh air that I am oh so grateful for.
A few weeks ago, a dear friend called me up who is going through a rough time. We talked for a while on the phone and finally, with vulnerability in her voice, she asked if I wanted to go do something. Well, old me would have been like, "nah, I have so many things to do today," and those things would all be in the pursuit of MY own happiness. I was also thinking, "well we've already been on the phone for an hour, doesn't that count?"
But something made me slow down and actually hear her frail frail voice when she asked. I heard that she was putting herself on the line by asking me. That she really needed a friend. And that's when I realized, it doesn't matter what we do. She is so fragile right now that she needs to feel loved and important and like someone is there for her, willing to drop everything.
So we met up in Central Park. I made lunch for both of us. And we sat and talked, wandered around. And I made it a point not to have ANY agenda. Like, "um sure I'll hang out but there's this movie I've really been wanting to see, can we go see it??" I let her choose everything, every street we walked, every place we sat. I wanted her to feel that I was there for her, that she had my undivided attn, and that I had all the time in the world for her. Because when I'm down, that's all I want is someone who will care for me, with no agenda, no meeting to rush off to, etc. And trust me, that is hard to come by in the Big City - everyone so preoccupied with their careers....and then when they have kids.....forget it.
We went to a museum and then we had tea. We did everything she needed to do. At the very end of the day, she told me of her substance abuse and how she scared herself sometimes. And we talked about that for a little while.
Later that night, she texted me and told me how grateful she was, how much she needed that. And the thing is, I felt how much she needed it. To recognize darkness in others, you have to experience it for yourself. And its brought us so much closer as friends.
I don't share this as a pat on the back to myself, but more as a marvel at how when we help make others feel good, we lift ourselves up too. The meditation books I read are always talking about this....but to experience it was truly divine. To truly be there for someone - to let go of me me me me me - what a gift my friend in need gave me......
