Zen-like Aries (oxymoron???)

Going on vacation and I have decided to do something very un-Aries:

To focus on one thing.

Just the thought makes me fretful and short of breath.

Ha.

Usually when I travel, I'll bring a handful of books, because, well you never know your mood, what if I can't focus on one and get bored - then at least I'll have something else to read, blah blah blah. At the end of the day it just ends up weighing down my carry-on bag. And then I get overwhelmed by all the choices of books I've brought and how I want to get through them ALL at once (and that's impossible!).

So, I'm bringing Anna Karenina - which I have been reading off and on all summer. And that's that.

No acting books, plays, meditation books, or "how to live your life fully" kinds of books (I refuse to admit this is the "self-help" genre!).

Silly as it sounds, it will be a good exercise for me.

I've also been writing different things here and there all summer - sort of a smattering of my thoughts, put into scenes. I find I work best this way when I write - if I just lay it all out there, eventually there is an underlying theme that starts to guide my work. Having an idea and then trying to force my writing into it just doesnt work for me. I know I will need to write while away (I need to write almost as much as I need to eat these days) too, that's just a given. I've always written, especially when I travel. So other than my usual journaling and doodling and "hashing it all out," I am bringing ONE scene I have written to fine-tune.

Maybe I'll get to it, maybe I won't. No pressure - just if it sounds like fun while on vacation.

I am very happy and excited about these un-Aries like decisions. Somehow, I am peaceful now too.

For now...... ;)

Letting Go

A director I worked with a few years ago contacted me about a horror project he was working on - a trailer for his wife's current project. So I just spent two days shooting with them - covered in molasses (blood), filming creepy scenes, learning more about special affects --- way cool! And meeting some really nice people - always a nice bonus! 

And this, my friends, was all from letting go ----- a.k.a doing nothing --

Another quote I love:

Chase a butterfly and you'll never catch it......sit quietly and it will land on your shoulder........

Going Inward

Not writing here as much lately, feel the need to be a little more private and have taken the month off to be reflective and get in touch with those parts of myself that have nothing to do with being an actress. 

So I've been beaching, biking, getting in touch with old friends, writing, meditating, doing yoga, cooking and taking care of my body. I'm even running (which I usually despise!).

I find I have to have these times when I remove myself from the world of the actor, completely, for a while. To recharge, renew, reconnect. 

Some things I've learned (or relearned) about myself:

-- I love to cook a good meal! 

-- I look outward a little too much for my answers, I have to remind myself, and practice going inward. Yoga, writing and meditation help me with this. 

-- I really need quiet time (does this mean I am getting old?) 

-- I multi-task more than I care to admit. So I've been giving myself little challenges, like eating my meal without doing anything else - no reading, checking email, gabbing on the phone, etc. 

-- I must create my own work. I dont think the path of the actress who auditions relentlessly for work is for me. Auditions are a side note. A bonus. I need more than that. 

-- As much as I enjoy solace, I really do need people. I love to learn new things, hear about what's going on with other people, hear a good story, laugh, etc. 

-- I have a hard time giving! Not on every level in life; but in my yoga class lately, they ask you to offer up your practice to someone else in your life. I find that: I dont want to! I want to give it all up to myself. Ha. And that says something about my inner life. So, I'm trying to be more giving - and to forget about me me me me me...... 

-- I am not happy when I chase anything in life. I'm happier when I practice letting things come to me. 

Speaking of which, this month of "doing nothing" (I call it my meditation retreat without actually going on one) has made the coming months effortlessly full. Guess there's something to all this!  

-- And the most important thing I've learned is that sometimes I need to keep things to myself. Whether it be something I'm working on, an idea I have, or something I'm reflecting on. I use to think people that did this were selfish -- I always wanted them to "share the goods." But now I understand. There's an energy to that - some magic that is happening that you dont want to tamper with. 

-- ok, the other most important thing I learned: to always always always always trust my intuition. No matter if logic is screaming for me to go right instead of left. If intuition says go left, go left!

;)