Having Meaningful Problems -

I think I have a problem.

I'm visiting some family in North Carolina for the holiday. And we all have very different political views. But the good news is that we can politely and curiously have conversations about topics such as healthcare, government, foreign affairs, etc.

As we were having these conversations today, which I won't go into here....I'm realizing more and more that I AM interested in politics - something I've been avoiding because I feel the scope of it all is just too big for me. I can't wrap my head around it. I don't really keep up with the news bc I feel its completely contrived and I get frustrated that not everyone cannot afford healthcare, the lack of funding for education, etc. My interest in politics comes purely from a place of wanting to know more so I can be of service, so I can form my own opinion and then try to actually DO SOMETHING about it.

I realized after this lovely, respectful conversation, that its just in the cards for me to be more aware, due to my nature and genuine need to help create a better world, and to fight for what I feel is fair and just. For the underdog. I'm still formulating what exactly this means for me so I can't yet really say --

So, I need to start asking questions. Going into places and conversations that are a little uncomfortable. Because I need to know. And then I need to, in my own way, turn this into action. Into something good and worthwhile. Again, I'm still formulating this -

I am shooting a short film very soon inspired by OWS. I get really frustrated at people who chalk all that up to "what are the issues they are fighting for?" (hello, news media sound byte!!) Thats just a little too easy of an excuse.....

This film is my way of beginning to make some sort of sense of the madness in the world, mixed in with the good. I do believe there is a lot of good out there. And that, more than anything, is what I want to be a part of. The film started off as me simply wanting to create more roles for myself as an actress. But now I'm realizing its so much more than that.

That's my problem. I need to get more involved and ask the big scary questions. So -- here I go!

xo M

....and #11

#11 Keep hanging around the same miserable artists over and over and over again. How do you know you have this type of person in your life? Here are the signs:

- you feel icky after hanging out with them - you actually feel bad about yourself from their negativity

- when with them, you don't feel hopeful, excited, cared for.....you actually feel shut down and protective

- the conversation is always, in some way, negative

- they criticize other artists

- you feel judged, like they will turn on you at any moment

- you feel like you cannot share your victories with them - if you make yourself out to be miserable too - they accept you

ps. add alcohol to this kind of person's system, and you've got a belligerent, hateful person on your hands. RUN!!!!! Life is too short to subject your precious self to this!!!

A nice note

A wonderful actress who comes to the reading group I've been hosting for over a year now wrote this really sweet note. I was so touched that I wanted to share it with you --

"Just wanted to say that I think you've done an amazing job with the reading series, and congratulations on the one year anniversary. Last weekend was a fantastic turnout, and the scripts were terrific. I am so impressed with all that you accomplish, and I hope you feel a deserved sense of pride in your success and with what you guys have built with your company and community. Not only are you beautiful and smart, but your generous spirit and hard work are a constant inspiration. Thank you for inviting me to be a part of the reading group, and even more, for being an ally and friend."

Its this feeling of community, of sharing in our creative ideas and dreams, of stretching ourselves together in a safe environment that keeps me going. I am SO GRATEFUL for this place we have every 2 weeks that we can all come together and inspire one another.

I only hope, if you are reading this, and wanting a place to go to to find support in your work and to support others - I say DO IT YOURSELF! I've been to plenty of other groups like this, but in the end, I found I needed to lead and not be lead - I needed to have a voice - and I needed to share this voice with others. It is, of course, a time commitment on my end, I've had my doubts at times, but its all a necessary part of the process of creating something really wonderful. And it takes patience. (and that's a real challenge to my Aries nature)

In the words of Nikey: JUST DO IT. Its worth it ....

Ensemble

I've started something that I'm very very proud of.

I've been hosting a writer's group for over a year now - and its grown into something really special. The people who come - are wonderful artists, humble, supportive.....I couldn't be happier about it. Its a lot of work at times for me - but I decided, 3 months into this last year, when I realized it was "bigger" than I thought - that it would take some dedication, leadership, and more time than I'd originally planned - I decided to see it through - that it was important enough to make the time for. Somehow, I knew it was something special....something I really believed in.....worthwhile......

From there, I've chosen an ensemble, I call the "members" of this ensemble - "slashes." Meaning each person involved is: writer/actor, actor/producer, actor/director....you get the idea? Because we will need a lot of hands in the future for the ideas I have - we'll need people that can wear many hats.

Its a small ensemble for now....I want to grow slowly to get the "right" people involved. We're creating a family of artists in a way - so I think the slow build is important. We meet once a week and have some projects that are starting to take shape. I feel like we are painters with paint brushes...and at this point we are standing in front of the blank canvas, together, as inspiration makes her way toward us....and from there the brush will move onto the canvas.......one stroke at a time.....

I think of this ensemble as a theater company but within the medium of film. I always kicked around the idea of having a theater company for many years.....so for the way my creative life has been unfolding....the idea of an ensemble but in the world of film.....it just makes sense. And I have to say, I think the idea is pretty sexy - (it gets me going!!). Think Paul Thomas Anderson and his ensemble in Boogie Nights...then again in Magnolia......

I like it. I like this a whole lot.....

:)

A Christmas Gift -

I just booked a role in a feature film - Its a supporting role with a cast of actors I know and love and loooooove working with - so I'm really looking forward to being on set with them, meeting some new people and being part of creating something special.

I've also been in bed sick for the last week with Bronchitis. So I've lost a considerable amount of weight and my husband keeps making me eat to gain it back. I've always been a VERY good eater...but this illness has made me want to do anything but.

I have 3 weeks before being on set to gain it back and then some, or else I'm going to look like Dawn of the Living Dead. I think the Christmas overindulgence couldn't be coming at a better time.....

Happy Holidays everybody!!!! Relax, hug your loved ones and enjoy!

xo

A Friend In Need

I think I've mentioned that I've taken up meditation?

I've really committed myself to this practice - and its really helped so much. I actually enjoy meditating. My teacher reminds me to meditate on things like other people's happiness, or those who have less. I can't tell you enough what joy and compassion its brought into my life. A real breath of fresh air that I am oh so grateful for.

A few weeks ago, a dear friend called me up who is going through a rough time. We talked for a while on the phone and finally, with vulnerability in her voice, she asked if I wanted to go do something. Well, old me would have been like, "nah, I have so many things to do today," and those things would all be in the pursuit of MY own happiness. I was also thinking, "well we've already been on the phone for an hour, doesn't that count?"

But something made me slow down and actually hear her frail frail voice when she asked. I heard that she was putting herself on the line by asking me. That she really needed a friend. And that's when I realized, it doesn't matter what we do. She is so fragile right now that she needs to feel loved and important and like someone is there for her, willing to drop everything.

So we met up in Central Park. I made lunch for both of us. And we sat and talked, wandered around. And I made it a point not to have ANY agenda. Like, "um sure I'll hang out but there's this movie I've really been wanting to see, can we go see it??" I let her choose everything, every street we walked, every place we sat. I wanted her to feel that I was there for her, that she had my undivided attn, and that I had all the time in the world for her. Because when I'm down, that's all I want is someone who will care for me, with no agenda, no meeting to rush off to, etc. And trust me, that is hard to come by in the Big City - everyone so preoccupied with their careers....and then when they have kids.....forget it.

We went to a museum and then we had tea. We did everything she needed to do. At the very end of the day, she told me of her substance abuse and how she scared herself sometimes. And we talked about that for a little while.

Later that night, she texted me and told me how grateful she was, how much she needed that. And the thing is, I felt how much she needed it. To recognize darkness in others, you have to experience it for yourself. And its brought us so much closer as friends.

I don't share this as a pat on the back to myself, but more as a marvel at how when we help make others feel good, we lift ourselves up too. The meditation books I read are always talking about this....but to experience it was truly divine. To truly be there for someone - to let go of me me me me me - what a gift my friend in need gave me......

A Master Craftsman

I love these images. Both by Hokusai. Maybe you've seen them both? Especially the one on the top - its quite famous. Its called The Great Wave Off Kanagawa. Hokusai was an artist all his life - and its said that his best work, such as the Great Wave - came after he was 60 years old.

To me, its an exquisite, beautiful reminder of sticking to your craft. Doing what you love everyday of your life.

And I know for me - its telling stories. I like to tell stories. I thought, for many years, that I could only tell stories as an actress - and this is one way that I can. But I can also write. Direct. Produce. Fundraise. Support other's works.

And I doing all these things that help me find great joy....allows me to really be there for the people I care about. And that's important.

Life just got pretty grand.