The Calm in the Eye of the Storm

I am really grappling with my fears lately of putting up my one person piece. It helps to think of people I know - famous or not - who have done the same thing and to know that they went through the same fears. And it helps to have a hubby to talk to about it, who supports me fully.

We were talking about it tonight (ok - that really means that I had a minor meltdown....) and I realized that I am scared because I am taking a risk. I'm not living under a rock, I've actually written something beautiful and personal and touching and funny - and now I'm putting it out there for all to see. And that is friggin nerve racking! So, of course I'm scared and worried at times. Some may laugh, some may be touched, and some may hate it. But I know I cant get too wrapped up in that. I have to "give it to my character," as one of my acting coaches would say. "If you love your character(s) and are so completely involved with them, it doesnt matter to you what anyone else thinks. You wont even care about that."

All part of the process. And for some reason I need to do this - its part of my artistic growth.

With the film I starred in winning a festival, the film I am producing (starring a 2009 Oscar nominee) and my solo show......I have become news worthy! So now I have a press rep working to get some buzz going for me. Its all very funny, I think, and very strange. But, all part of the process and my next step. It is very frightening putting myself out there - I actually dont enjoy that sort of spotlight. I would rather just do the work - do a film or a play and if only 20 people see it, that's more than enough for me! The whole publicity part of things makes me anxious!

I came home early today after being in the city for an audition, and doing some press work --- planning to work on my solo show. BUT - I really needed a night off - to drink some hot cocoa and sit by the fire. I realize now, as I'm laying here, that in the midst of all this action going on in my life lately, my soul REALLY needed this down time. No way around it.

I started reading old journal entries from this summer - when I thought I might be having health issues (it turned out ok). In these entries, I talked a lot about how important quiet time was for me, and friendships.....slowing down. How soon we speed up and forget to smell those flowers! I have to smell the roses! I am very unhappy when life speeds up and I forget to do these things.

So, here's to quiet time. And to listening to what we REALLY need to be shiney happy people....so we can have calm in the middle of the storm.....and we can be a solid rock for the people we love.......