It was a splendid event! Packed house full of people I didnt know. The people running the event were really nice and supportive of the film. As I settled down to into my seat when the film began, I suddenly realized I didnt know anyone there besides the producer/lead actor who was sitting next to me. I remembered that there is some nudity in the film (tasteful and necessary to tell the story) and I suddenly felt really vulnerable. Shit. I could also hear people near me whispering - I couldnt make out what they were saying, and it probably had nothing to do with the film since it had just started at this point, but I was really nervous about sitting so close to strangers watching my performance.
So I got up and walked to the very last row of the theater and sat there by myself watching. It was glorious! I could sit there alone, taking it all in, without concerning myself with what anyone was thinking or might say. I was very proud of myself for doing this, for protecting my artist instead of being "polite" and staying seated amongst the crowd. Johnny Depp says that he has never seen any of his films. I understand that. There is something so nerve racking about it - you always think you could have done it differently or maybe even better. Its difficult not to be so ridiculously hard on yourself. Unlike, Johnny, I do want to watch my films, because I really enjoy the process of filmmaking - from beginning to final product.....but I know I have to be very conscious of with who and where I'm watching them. I dont need to be within earshot of strangers talking about my film. People can be very critical, often unintentionally, and you must protect your artist from that, so you can continue to grow and take risks. Hearing something negative can shut you down unnecessarily for a while.
Afterwards, there was a Q and A with the Artistic Director of the screening site, my producer/lead actor friend, and yours truly. That was VERY good to have to go through. I sat up there on that stage thinking "shit, what are they going to ask?" "is someone going to ask about the nudity?" "or something that I wont be able to articulate intellegently??" But I managed to relax into my seat and have a good time with it - the crowd was so curious and supportive - so it was a lot of fun. And a good exercise for me to have to sit there and back my work.
We were also interviewed by a reporter from the local newspaper there - my first!
Damn, I'm lucky that I got to celebrate the coming together of this film in this way. Like I've mentioned many times before, sometimes you'll shoot something, and your lucky if it even becomes a final product for people to see, or even better if it actually does get a screening ANYWHERE.
A word of advice: Try to see the film BEFORE the screening. And as long as the film looks good, GO!! Do not make it like its no big thing, and please dont be too scared of your performance to go. These moments you have to try to enjoy - they dont come around all the time, especially in the early stages of an acting career. But if the film is poor quality, poorly executed, I would skip it.
And be selective about who you invite. I have a general rule of thumb that I only want to invite my colleagues and friends to quality stuff. Not everything you work on will be something you want people to see, and that's just part of the process. Its ok. What's important is that you had the experience. You need to have moments of "not so great work" to help you with the "great ones." If you invite someone to something mediocre, you risk the chance of them not coming to see any of your work for some time, and they may skip something that is great.
Either way, go out and celebrate your hard work when its over: cupcakes, flowers, rest, being with friends, etc. We must be good to ourselves to continue marching on.
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