Creative Breakthroughs & Risks

Its happening! And I'm doing my best to go with it.

Creative Breakthrough #1 - Taking a risk in my writing

I have been blocked the last few days with my solo show writing. And I was well aware - but totally avoiding writing anyway.

I had class tonight, so this morning I wrote a little bc I had to have SOMETHING to read in class. (this is what is so great about class - you are accountable)

I've chosen to write about something very personal - that really makes me UNCOMFORTABLE. So when I read my piece - I was so upset, tears were streaming down my face - I was SO EMBARRESSED! But my lovely, supportive, wonderfully nurturing writing coach keeps coaxing me along. He's da bomb, yo. I've stretched myself so much over the last year thanks to this man - doing things I was in the past so scared to do. Well, I'm still scared - but now I just do it anyway. I have a better understanding that this is a necessary part of the process. I've really grown both artistically and as a person. I'm actually looking forward to writing this week - to spending more time writing. Hell, that's another great thing about class - you have to keep up with the others. And my classmates are really really terrific --

Creative Breakthrough #2 - Taking my monologue out on the town!

Remember how much I have obsessed about doing monologues in the past?? Well, guess what? I've never heard any actor say: "Gee, I really love doing monologues. They are fun." Truthfully, they are very awkward - but necessary if you want to do theater. After working with my friend BD the other day on them, I've been looking for submissions that require a mono for the audie -to give myself the opp to continue "slaying this demon," as my old acting teacher use to put it. I went to a mono audition today - and my monologue was really well received. We worked on it 3 times - and it felt really good to feel confident about my work. I've grown in this way too. I can take constructive feedback and use it as best as I can to my advantage. I go easier on myself these days. And guess what? I booked the part! Its a reading of a screenplay on Saturday -- THIS IS A MAJOR VICTORY - and I know better than to think otherwise. This victory is VERY SIGNIFICANT to my artistic growth.

Taking a big big risk:

I was offered the lead in a SAG feature film. By a director I adore - who is such a big supporter of my work and really talented. But, I knew, right from the start....my gut told me: Not this time. I need to risk. I need to work with different people, I need to keep my calendar open to work of a higher caliber (exposure-wise), and I need to add new creative liasions to my working reperatoire. I knew that if I took this project, I would be the "big fish in a smaller pond," whereas I NEED to be scared - I need to work with folks that make me feel I have to run to keep up. I need to stretch myself and see what greater heights I am capable of.

Don't get me wrong - I'm not always certain of this decision.....every actor at the end of the day just wants to work.....but I'm into listening to my gut these days.

I'm getting a little better at that. :)

It actually feels good to be so uncomfortable lately - I feel like I'm feeling my pulse again --