C'est la vie

Avoiding writing. Again. I know as soon as I start - it will be ok....its just the starting that is the trick for me. But I've looked up during my procrastination just about everything I possibly can on the Internet. That's good. Now I'll have no choice but to get started.

I had a little scare recently with my health. I go to the doctor again soon - and from what I've heard from people I've talked to I'll truly be ok. But I've been very out of sorts over the last few days over it, needless to say.

So I had to cancel an audition yesterday because of all this. And now my manager tells me this casting director is upset with me. So I guess I'll give him a call tomorrow to try to smooth things over. Maybe. Might be best to just let it go. I'm not sorry that I had to cancel, but sorry that I came off as unprofessional. I get it - I've cast projects myself and its annoying when people no-show. But, hey, I did call and I did the best I could do in that situation so if this guy wants to hold it against me - its really out of my hands. C'est la vie.

On a more positive note - I had an audition today with a really big casting director. So I'm pleased that I got to meet her. More details on that later.....

And you know, things are pretty good. I'm getting more and more callbacks and going in for some "namey" projects more often (although, like Melissa Leo, I'll never give up my indie film roots!!). I have an audition coach that I work really well with, and I'm writing! This health "thingy" that came up, really had me starting to think about how I want to live my creative life (and personal life too). And, coincidentally, I recently met a woman who is pursuing the things I want to pursue. Like me, she started off as actress, but now that's a side note. She produces/writes/directs & occasionally acts in her own work. And that's the direction I'd like to take. I find myself feeling a little too vulnerable at times as pure actress. I need more control over my creative life. It's funny bc after the second film I ever shot, it was so nerve-wracking for me being in front of the camera - I really didnt like it - and I thought I might want to go behind the scenes. But the director of this film urged me not to - insisted that I continue to pursue acting 100%. So I have.

But now I find myself feeling the same way - being pulled in that direction again. Wanting to collaborate more with other filmmakers/writers. So I think I need to listen to that.

Here's to exploring the many sides of ourselves.....