Babies

We would like to have a child, but lately I've been really dreading it. Worried that it will consume my life and I'll have time for nothing creative - and well, that would be the end of me.

It didnt help that I met with an actress friend this week that has baby #2 on the way - she was reflecting on how much her life has changed. She says when she talks to her childless friends she's not jealous of their freedom, but wistful about the fact that her days of running from audition to audition without having to think of a kid, the days of running to Starbucks and chilling with a friend on a whim, are over. That girl who had all the time in the world for herself is no more.

I think there is something really beautiful about shedding that skin. Out with the old in with the new. Moving on. I felt that way when I was in Southeast Asia in January. I'm no longer that hippie backpacker chick, staying in the most primitive places I could find. I'm a woman. I have different standards of living now. I enjoy doing different things. I am married. And contemplating children.

Change is scary. That's just all there is to it. God, I wish I had more to offer here, but I dont. Its just something on my mind lately --- but here's part of a blog that I found helpful:

It’s about the myth of having children being bad for a career.

I got two abortions to preserve my career. To keep my options open. To keep my aspirations within reach.

I bought into the idea that kids undermine your ability to build an amazing career.

And here I am, with the amazing career.

But also, here I am with two kids. So I know a bit about having kids and a career. And I want to tell you something: You don’t need to get an abortion to have a big career. Women who want big careers want them because something deep inside you drives you to change the world, lead a revolution, break new barriers.

It doesn’t matter whether you have kids now or later, because they will always make your career more difficult. There is no time in your life when you are so stable in your work that kids won’t create an earthquake underneath that confidence.

So, in the famous words of Nikey, God willing, I'm gonna "just do it."