And the response was extremely positive. WOW. We were incredibly fortunate. I just wanted to get through it feeling good about it. And we were sold out almost every night!
What I learned from this:
- when you walk off the stage, often those voices start to chime in, telling you what went wrong, oh - you missed that line, oh - you were full of shit when you said this line, the audience didnt like you, the audience did like you, this part felt good, this part didnt, I nailed it this time, that sucked, etc, etc. I learned that you have to hold your head up high, no matter what. And learn to be very diplomatic with yourself about it: that felt pretty good this time, oh - I need to go back and look at this part, I need to slow this part down, this part felt off - what can I do about it?, etc. If you have to obsess or beat yourself up over it, dont do that for longer than 10 minutes and then do your best to cut yourself some slack and focus on being positive. Chances are, for instance, one night I felt my performance was so-so. I had some friends there (who wouldnt lie) who thought I was amazing! Who knew?? You can have a night where you think you were incredible - but you might not have come off that way. Or vice versa. SO: no point in driving yourself nuts!
- you must learn to keep your focus! I was the second act - the act when the latecomers come walking in. And its VERY distracting, especially if the space is intimate (ours was). But, you have to "stay in your work." No matter what. You cant blame those latecomers for any slip ups you have.
- chin up chin up chin up. Surround yourself with supportive people. I dont mean people who will not tell you the truth - you need to hear it if something is not working. But I mean surround yourself with people who know how to give constructive feedback, who want you to succeed.
- and as best you can, do your work - and then stand behind it with a "knowing confidence." Its great if you can be in the place (and trust me, I continually work on this!) where you can take a compliment, but you dont need it - you dont live for it. And you arent crushed if you hear something not so complimentary about your work. You must protect yourself from hearing the latter. Many actors dont read reviews of their shows. I dont blame them. You will hear both positive and not so positive throughout your creative life. And its all subjective. One person will love you, the person sitting next to them will think you are totally annoying. BUT - as long as you are stretching yourself, you know you are out there risking, and you are having fun (PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE remember to have fun!) - the more you do it - the less you'll need a compliment or be destroyed if someone doesnt respond to you. Its a tricky part of it, but it does happen. And then, you can really work - bc you arent hung up on all that other stuff. You can just do your job -- and then walk away -- with that knowing confidence!
How do you know if you are taking a risk? If you can say "hmmm, I've never done this before...." Or if you are scared shitless - that's a pretty good sign. When I was walking to my first tech rehearsal, and I had the thought of "oh shit, I'm really doing this. Why am I doing this? Why do I have to torture myself this way??" I actually had the funny thought of "well, maybe I'll get hit by a cab on the way over, that way I wont have to do it....but I'll still go down heroically.....as the girl who wanted to write her own solo show and perform in it, but then never got to bc, although she survived, she was injured on the way to tech rehearsal..."
I know, I'm crazy! :)
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