Going Inward

Not writing here as much lately, feel the need to be a little more private and have taken the month off to be reflective and get in touch with those parts of myself that have nothing to do with being an actress. 

So I've been beaching, biking, getting in touch with old friends, writing, meditating, doing yoga, cooking and taking care of my body. I'm even running (which I usually despise!).

I find I have to have these times when I remove myself from the world of the actor, completely, for a while. To recharge, renew, reconnect. 

Some things I've learned (or relearned) about myself:

-- I love to cook a good meal! 

-- I look outward a little too much for my answers, I have to remind myself, and practice going inward. Yoga, writing and meditation help me with this. 

-- I really need quiet time (does this mean I am getting old?) 

-- I multi-task more than I care to admit. So I've been giving myself little challenges, like eating my meal without doing anything else - no reading, checking email, gabbing on the phone, etc. 

-- I must create my own work. I dont think the path of the actress who auditions relentlessly for work is for me. Auditions are a side note. A bonus. I need more than that. 

-- As much as I enjoy solace, I really do need people. I love to learn new things, hear about what's going on with other people, hear a good story, laugh, etc. 

-- I have a hard time giving! Not on every level in life; but in my yoga class lately, they ask you to offer up your practice to someone else in your life. I find that: I dont want to! I want to give it all up to myself. Ha. And that says something about my inner life. So, I'm trying to be more giving - and to forget about me me me me me...... 

-- I am not happy when I chase anything in life. I'm happier when I practice letting things come to me. 

Speaking of which, this month of "doing nothing" (I call it my meditation retreat without actually going on one) has made the coming months effortlessly full. Guess there's something to all this!  

-- And the most important thing I've learned is that sometimes I need to keep things to myself. Whether it be something I'm working on, an idea I have, or something I'm reflecting on. I use to think people that did this were selfish -- I always wanted them to "share the goods." But now I understand. There's an energy to that - some magic that is happening that you dont want to tamper with. 

-- ok, the other most important thing I learned: to always always always always trust my intuition. No matter if logic is screaming for me to go right instead of left. If intuition says go left, go left!

;)