9/11 Reminders -

I realized this morning as I was writing - that I dont express myself enough.

I was thinking about this as I acknowledged that its 9/11 today. Thinking of all those poor people who lost loved ones. I cant imagine what that is like and I really feel for them. Deeply.

There are no words.....

9/11 is what really pushed me to be an actress. And to live more fully. To NOT get caught in the trap of a 9 to 5 job that I dont like. To NOT make life commitments I dont want to make bc they are conventional and what "everyone is doing."

Besides, I'm an Aries.....its in our blood NOT to play it safe.....and to stretch our boundaries.

If I pumped out 2 or 3 kids at a young age, owning 2 cars, having a morgage, a big fat house...I'd be dead - alive, but not really here. Or at least deeply depressed.

That's not to say one cant be happy doing those things. My best friend from high school - this is pretty much her life and she is incredibly happy. Life is about finding what makes your soul purrrr....what makes you the best human being you can possibly be. Taking the more traditional route fills this friend of mine with such joy that she'd be crazy NOT to do it.

Its just that it would have been suicide for me. Somehow I knew this and I had to listen to it.

When 9/11 happened, I was working for a corporation at the time, full time. I had just arrived to NY a little over a year before 9/11. It was my "just for now" job. I sat at my desk, a few days after 9/11....with tears in my eyes bc yes, of what had happened. But mostly bc this tragedy made me realize I was not living the life I wanted to live. I was going into another mundane meeting about whether or not the blue shirt should be placed next to the red shirt or not...(I worked in fashion).....and I wanted to shoot myself. This was surely NOT the way I was going to live my life fully.

Long story short. Out of tragedy can come something beautiful. For me, 9/11 helped me find the courage to live my life with more purpose. And its with gratitude for that wake up call that I remember this day and think of those who lost a loved one.

Back to my initial statement of "not expressing myself enough." Yeah. I dont. The solo show has been great. But there is a lot more where that came from and I've got to let it out or I will go nuts. So here I go. I want to continue on with the solo shows. But there's a lot more I want to do too.

Focused energy. Here I come.